I'm Jason Toon and I ate the same pair of Taco Bell bean burritos so many times in high school, I still remember the price ($1.27 with tax). But the world isn't so simple these days, and that includes the ever-changing fast food menu. In this issue of Shoddy Goods, the newsletter from Meh about consumer culture, we salute our fellow journalists working tirelessly to make sure no Shamrock Shake or Angry Whopper passes unnoticed. If you're anything like me, reading the news always makes you feel worse - and yet you can't stop checking it. Maybe you feel some obscure sense of duty to keep up with major world events. Maybe you're afraid of missing out on some big historical moment. Whyever you do it, it always leaves you bummed out and exhausted, both overstuffed and empty. Well, in the course of researching pieces for this newsletter, I discovered an alternate journalistic universe. One where a major world event might be "Pumpkin Spice Donuts Return to Krispy Kreme" and a big historical moment could be "Del Taco Launches New Lineup of Half-Pound Burritos". I'm talking about the carefree, self-indulgent world of fast-food news, a media ecosystem of low stakes and cheesesteaks, where the only thing that leaves you feeling overstuffed and empty is the food itself.
Extra, extra! Read all about eat! From Fast Food Post "That's Grand Mac to you, sir" The eminences greasy of fast food journalism are Eat This, Not That and The Food Reviewer. Both are still chugging along. But where Eat This, Not That offers healthy (well, healthier) fast-food advice and The Food Reviewer is all about his personal take on what's a "buy", today's fast food media serves its customers a steady diet of announcements and reviews of new and seasonal offerings. You know that one friend of yours who always knows when the McRib is back? As fast food chains rely more and more on such limited time offerings - LTOs, in scene lingo - to generate buzz, a community of such enthusiasts has grown around chasing and tasting these elusive delicacies. The kind of fast-foodie who reminisces about the Naked Chicken Chalupa and the Grand Mac now needs a scorecard to keep up with their LTO bucket list. That's where these sources come in. Talk about a news feed
The Brand Eating community tackles the issues Some, like Fast Food Post, seem to just uncritically share every press release issued by a fast-food company. It's comprehensive - you'll never miss a new shake flavor or movie tie-in meal - but nobody would accuse FFP of having a strong editorial perspective. They do have an unusually nice layout for this industry, I'll give them that. Since its 2008 founding, Brand Eating has put a bit more work in, adding context like the reassurance that KFC's new potato wedges "are not replacing Secret Recipe Fries, which are still available." They do their own reviews and they're not afraid to admit that while Culver's new Chili Cheese Dog is OK, they're "not sure [they]'d pay $8 for it, though." Brand Eating is rewarded for this diligence with the most robust community of commenters in the biz. If you're looking for a vigorous discussion of Applebee's appetizer samplers, you've found your people. You can even join their Patreon for advance access to their latest intel.
Is this that YouTube radicalization people keep talking about? From Fast Food Club Another outlet that goes beyond PR copy/paste is Fast Food Club, born out of a Facebook group of the same name. With advice listicles, copycat recipes, a menu archive, and a YouTube channel, they're aiming to be a full-360 resource for the fast-food lifestyle - or at least a strong collection of high-performing SEO keywords. They do have a neat little Fast Food Club manifesto, and I can appreciate the extra frisson of verbal flair they bring to such pieces as "Everything We Know About Starbucks' Fall 2025 Menu". You deserve a break from real news I don't honestly eat that much fast food these days. I don't even live in the USA anymore, so I can't even eat most of the LTOs that do catch my eye. So why does scrolling through one of these sites induce a full-body sigh of tranquility? (It certainly isn't the clunky ad-laden UX they favor, which makes my laptop wheeze like it's doing squat-thrusts after downing a full sack of White Castles.) Because it reminds me of my working-class Midwestern childhood, when life seemed simpler because I was simpler. Before I knew fast food was terrible for you and for the planet. Before I could see the corporate string-pulling behind meal deals and new flavors. Back when me and my friends knew and cared which malls had a Sbarro's. When everything else gets to be a little too much, when the dismal noise of a world in turmoil starts to close in, I can daydream about a world where everything is in its place, all food is good, and today's biggest headline is about Dairy Queen's new Superman Blizzard. I went to Taco Bell enough during high school that I got recognized by the employees other places around town. My senior year yearbook collage prominently featured their burrito wrapper. And I distinctly remember the launch of the 7-Layer Burrito, momentously overtaking my previous stalwart order of 2 bean burritos, no onions. What fast food launches do you still remember? Got any ‘limited time offerings’ you’re always on the lookout for? Come over to this week’s Shoddy Goods chat and let’s discuss the best terrible foods. Don't miss out! These Shoddy Goods stories are back for a limited time! (Offer expires when the Sun goes red giant and engulfs the Earth.)
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